When you release the ‘control’ trauma response from your nervous system and transform your somatic shaping.
In this integration, I want to talk about the nervous system.
Today, I was scrolling through Substack and came across a post that really touched me. It spoke about letting go of fight, flight, and freeze, and releasing everything the body has been holding onto. And what stayed with me wasn’t just the idea of regulation, but everything that comes after the nervous system begins to soften.
The awareness.
The emotional releases.
The fluctuations that arise once the brace lets go.
These are things people don’t talk about enough. And they’re often not what people expect when they begin nervous system healing.
I think it’s fair to say that most of us have experienced trauma in some form. For many, it begins in childhood with experiences that shape not just our minds, but our bodies. Others are shaped by the pace and pressure of modern life: worrying about money, job security, safety, survival. Even when our lives aren’t objectively dangerous, the body often doesn’t know that.
So the nervous system adapts.
It takes on a shape.
And eventually, we live from that shape.
Fight.
Flight.
Freeze.
Or some blend of all three.
For me personally, I was shaped very early by trauma. And while I believe these experiences exist for growth, that doesn’t make them easy to process, especially when we’re never taught how.
One of the realizations I had recently in a session with my coach brought profound insight. I became aware of how much energy I was unconsciously exerting outward—trying to manage the emotional states of the people around me in order to feel safe.
This wasn’t something I chose consciously. It was a learned survival strategy from childhood. And somatically, I took on that shape and carried it forward for decades.
I’m 44 years old and only now seeing how automatic this pattern has become.
The image that came to me was energetic tethers extending outward from my body, monitoring, managing, controlling. I see this a lot, especially in women. Particularly mothers, caregivers, leaders, or anyone holding a lot of responsibility.
“If everyone is okay, I’m okay.”
“If no one is upset, I’m safe.”
This level of vigilance is exhausting. And for me, it showed up as deep physical fatigue. I had been operating on autopilot for years, pouring energy outward without realizing it.
When we begin to regulate the nervous system and when we start calling that energy back in, something important happens.
The brace softens.
And when it does, everything that has been held beneath the surface begins to rise.
Old emotions.
Suppressed feelings.
Memories from long ago.
This can feel destabilizing if the body doesn’t yet have the capacity to hold it. As the nervous system unwinds, we often start to see clearly what no longer fits: a job, a relationship, a role, a way of moving through the world.
Sometimes it’s subtle. Sometimes it’s not.
This is why nervous system healing isn’t about forcing release. It’s about capacity. It’s about pacing. It’s about support.
Because if too much surfaces too quickly, the body will contract again. It will freeze. And we’ll feel like we’ve “failed,” when really the system just wasn’t ready to hold it yet.
This work asks for gentleness.
It asks for honesty.
It asks for support—whether through a coach, a therapist, a group, or a grounded personal practice.
In my experience, nervous system healing is a lifelong process. It’s layered. It unfolds over time. And while it can be uncomfortable, it’s also deeply liberating. As we release what we no longer need to hold, we reclaim energy. We reclaim choice. We begin to respond to life rather than brace against it.
I wanted to share this because I’m in it myself. And because if you’re experiencing something similar, you’re not alone.
This is the work. And it’s a beautiful one.
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