A raw look at self-honesty when navigating disappointment from others

I want to get a little vulnerable with you today.

Because I think we owe each other that. The truth is that none of us out here is living a perfectly curated life. Not me. Not you. Not the coach whose content you screenshot at 11 pm. We are all, every single one of us, running into our insecurities, our hurts, the places inside us that are quietly asking for more attention than we have been willing to give them.

Even me. Especially me, some days.

Earlier this year, I launched my business. Officially. Publicly. My face on a website, my first and last name as the brand. That was not the original plan, by the way. I had a whole other direction mapped out, something safer, something with a little more distance between me and it. But when I got honest with myself about why I wanted that distance, I realized I was hiding. Playing small in the exact same way I help my clients stop doing. So I took off all the clothes, so to speak, and I put myself out there. All the way.

What came before that moment was years. Nearly a decade of studying astrology. Every person in my family has sat across from me for a reading. My friends know to come to me when they want to understand something about their chart. This was not new. What was new was the system, the structure, the website, the freebie, the days that stretched morning to night making sure the operations were solid enough that I could actually focus on the part I love most. Creating. Helping. Holding space.

When it was ready, I shared it. Proudly. My family showed up in the most beautiful way. People sharing my Substack, my website, introducing me to others in this space, networking on my behalf without being asked. That kind of support holds you in a way that is hard to articulate. It lifts something.

Then came my friends.

People who have known me across seasons of my life. Who know my health journey, my transformation, how long I have been building toward this. People who knew that in my mid 40s I had finally decided it was time to stop waiting and actually reveal myself, fully, in alignment with everything I am.

And from many of them? Quiet. Not a word.

This is not a dig. It is not a shame. Because that is not what this is about. This is about life, and the way life will always find a way to show you exactly what needs your attention, through the people and experiences right in front of you. (I have a stellium in my 7th house so I will never escape the “mirror” of the other).

That does not mean it did not hurt. I will not spiritually bypass my way through this. It hurt. And yes, maybe I was feeling a little sorry for myself. If I am being honest.

But the issue we have as humans is we do not allow ourselves to move through the multi-layered spectrum of feeling. And so while I let myself feel it, I did not let myself become it.

And after I let it hurt, I got curious. Because that is always where the gold is. The thing that moves you, that gets under your skin, that sits in your chest for a day or two and refuses to leave. That is not there to punish you. It is there because it has something to show you.

Then I had to ask myself some honest questions. Was this actually real? Or was I missing some of the ways people had shown up for me and my limiting beliefs didn’t allow me to see them? Because each of us has our own individual perceived realities based on our own individual beliefs about life. Was I wanting to see something so that I could affirm a limiting belief that I can’t rely on others? Or that I am not worthy of support?

My ego was quick with an answer. I am a high-dollar friend. I show up. I amplify. I connect people. I celebrate without being asked. As someone with a stellium of planets in Aquarius, networking good people into each other is practically a love language.

And my ego was not wrong, exactly. But it was not telling the whole story either.

Because if that is genuinely how I show up, why was I not feeling met in return? Was there something in me that kept people at a distance? That made them glaze over me because I was always performing like I had everything together. And was I using that as a means to feel as though my friends were not showing up for me when I needed them? Had I ever actually asked for help?

It was about me.

Why is the universe handing me this particular mirror right now? What does it want me to see about worthiness? About value? About what I am currently a match for, and what I am not yet?

If something is showing up in your life that is hurting you, the most powerful question is not why are they doing this. It is what is this asking me to look at?

That is the work. That is the transitional space between who you were and who you are becoming. Old energy falls away. What is not a match for where you are going becomes the loudest thing in the room, because it needs your attention before you can move forward.

Not every uncomfortable thing is a wound. Some of them are invitations.

I know I need to start asking myself how I become a match for the relationships, the experiences, and the reality that I actually want. Because once I become the energetic match for a specific experience and truly embody it as a belief, I will be met with the match for that belief in my reality. And in this case, I have to take responsibility for how I am creating this reality to affirm outdated beliefs. Maybe some of my friends didn’t actually show up. Maybe others did, but I saw what I wanted to see. Maybe the ones that didn’t show up were distracted by their own lives, and it wasn’t personal. And maybe, just maybe, I can get vulnerable enough with them to be honest about my own experience. Because perhaps, above self-contemplation, I have lessons to learn in communicating when I need something.

I tell you all this because even as a coach, someone who holds space for others to explore their own limiting beliefs, I am not perfect. I have moments where I feel things that don’t reflect the person I want to be. And I wanted to write about how I move through those things in an honest way. Because we are moving away from the era of idolizing the guru who has all the answers, and into becoming the guru for ourselves.

What I learned: I am not the victim or the martyr. I am the creator of my own reality. Indeed, I will be let down, and indeed, I may change who I have close to me in life. But before I make a decision like that, I have to be honest with myself about whether that decision is coming from a place of firm boundaries and standards that are upheld from the highest point of love in my field. Or whether they are coming from the need to ghost and run away from uncomfortable conversations.

One simple moment of disappointment can show up to help you unlock layers of insight about your beliefs and subsequent energy. If you get curious about one tiny trigger, you can potentially find a tether to a root belief living in your psyche that is just waiting to be seen by you. And it can reveal an entire energetic system that is designed to keep you safe. Resulting in a narrative playing out in your real life that was wholly perpetuated by your own limiting beliefs.

I am not only becoming perpetually curious about what this experience means to me, but I am working with my coach on this to ensure I am not leaving any golden nuggets unseen in my own psyche.

So here is what I will leave you with. What is the uncomfortable thing in your life right now that keeps refusing to leave? What is it actually asking you to look at?

Because that question, and what lives underneath it, is usually where everything begins to shift.

Share in the comments if you feel called.